I Have a Voice Read online

  It is easy to create a scary public-speaking movie. Just imagine the vast hall, the huge audience … staring at you … waiting for you … to start … stuttering. That can generate enough fear and anxiety to make anyone stutter! With intense fear, the general arousal syndrome kicks in, the adrenalin starts flowing, ready for fight or flight (Figure 4.1). This response keeps you alive when under real threat, but it does not serve you when you live in that state all the time. Since speaking is a large part of living, then living in constant fear and anxiety of speaking and keeping your general arousal syndrome constantly activated is not good.

  Figure 4.1: Fight or flight?

  CASE STUDY 9

  I emailed this question to a client, Robert, who had a problem of blocking when he was delivering a public speech: “What is there about public speaking that triggers tension and fear of speaking?” Robert replied:

  The fact that there are all those people staring at me and expecting me to deliver a perfectly fluent speech in a short amount of time. All of the pressure, tension, and fear comes from those expectations. The more I try to speak like a non-stutterer, the tighter my throat gets. I think that if every person in this world stuttered and stuttering was the norm, I might actually enjoy public speaking.

  Later in my email I asked Robert, “If you absolutely did not care what other people thought, what would happen to your speech?” He replied:

  I would think that my speech would improve greatly. It is really hard to say for sure how my speech would be in that situation because we don’t live in a society where people do not care or notice if someone stutters. However, I am positive that there would be no nervousness or anxiety before a speaking situation.

  I directed him to “compare and contrast your state of mind between when you are alone and when you stutter. What are the differences? What are you seeing, hearing, feeling? How are you talking to yourself differently between fluency and stuttering?” He responded:

  When I am alone, I couldn’t care less if I stutter or not. Consequently, there is no anxiety, nervousness, or tightness in my chest/throat. There is no need to anticipate or mentally prepare for a speaking situation where I have a chance to humiliate myself. Therefore, every sound comes out perfectly. When I stutter, I always find myself rehearsing in my mind the exact words I am going to say because I may need to substitute some trouble words. There is always an anxiety and fear of what will happen when I stutter or block. How will the audience react? Will they laugh or look uncomfortable watching me strain to get the words out? Will I be a failure in their eyes? [italics added]

  This probably sounds familiar to a PWS. Note Robert’s very first statement: “The fact that there are all those people … expecting me to deliver a perfectly fluent speech … All of the pressure/tension fear comes from those expectations.” This statement goes right to one of the central problems of blocking – fear of what others may think about one’s speech.

  Robert’s stated belief is also unrealistic. What audiences really want is for the speaker to be entertaining, interesting, lively. They want to have a good time, and they want the speaker to have a good time too. They are very forgiving, just as long as the presenter is engaging directly with them, being authentic, speaking from the heart. It is very common for “nervous” presenters to imagine the worst, when they would be better off remembering that audiences are generally supportive.

  Note that Robert said that his expectations of a fluent speech are a “fact.” That doesn’t leave any room for exceptions. How does he know this? Does he go and ask each one individually? No. He is mind-reading the audience.

  I have italicized some key statements in his last paragraph. Notice Robert’s fear of humiliating himself; of being laughed at; his fear of them being uncomfortable if he can’t get the words out. These are all very common fears about what others might think of the PWS’s speech. So what kind of movie for generating blocking does the PWS make as they anticipate the next encounter? Probably of the scary variety with a voice-over soundtrack to match.

  One client has a tremendous fear of talking to people on the phone. Of major concern are those people with whom he does business. Before he calls them, the first thing he does is to create a picture in his head of the other person answering the phone. Immediately, after he sees the picture, he starts talking to himself about his fear of losing this client.

  The things you say to yourself

  Movies also have dialog. Your movies probably do, because most people talk to themselves on the inside. Occasionally it’s out loud, but more often their internal dialog – mind-talk – is chattering away much of the time. Although you may think this is insignificant, what you say matters because it affects your behavior.

  Providing a running commentary on how they will fail does the PWS no favors. If the PWS is talking to themselves about fearing they will block (anticipatory anxiety), it’s highly likely they will have themselves a horror movie, and that certainly won’t improve things. The good news is that if they can talk themselves into a down state, they can also talk themselves up by changing the dialogue so that the old pattern becomes redundant. They need to change the way they talk to themselves, the kind of language they use, and the way it sounds (the tonality), as that will radically alter the power and the meaning of the movie.

  Notice what you are saying to yourself:

  Are you talking about what you want, and the good things in life, or are you putting yourself (and others) down, forever complaining about what has happened, and blaming others for causing it? One idea leads to another, and you’re back layering negative stuff onto that original event. The feelings continue to create webs of negative thoughts that are difficult to escape from.

  And how you are saying it:

  It really does matter how PWS talk to themselves on the inside. What tone of voice do you habitually use? If you have never stopped to notice how you sound inside your mind, then take a moment to listen. And then think about your response to that kind of voice. You know how you respond when someone else’s voice is boring, scratchy, whining, argumentative, or playing “poor me.” Instead of a moaning, depressing or angry voice, choose one that is pleasant, confident, reassuring … By using empowering language they can intensify their state. For example, by thinking, “I can speak fluently. I do it whenever I choose” – and meaning it – it will become a reality for them.

  Here is how you can turn around a dialog of what could have been a self-destructive internal:

  I have to make that phone call to order that book. I blocked the last time I called that salesman. He reminds me of my dad. I was afraid of my dad. But wait a minute. He isn’t my dad, and I am no longer a child. I am a grown adult. I don’t have to worry about my dad calling me stupid. Goodness, dad isn’t standing over me, watching everything I do. And I do know how to speak fluently, without holding back. I’m fluent when I talk to my friends. I know what I will do: if I start to get anxious when I’m talking to him, I will pretend that he’s an old friend and we’re just having a chat. Hey, I think that will work!

  What you say to yourself, and the way you say it, really does make a difference in how you feel, and that affects what you do, and how you come across to others.

  Changing the kind of movie in your mind sends signals to your body which create a state of well-being. This already happens with some of the people you communicate with. You don’t bother to run your blocking movie with those people, and just get on with the conversation. You don’t even think about how you are speaking or coming across; you just carry on talking comfortably. This is fluency.

  Editing the movies in your mind

  Note: Before working with other people using these techniques, it is important that you have experienced using them for yourself. Practice these interventions so that you can do them easily, know what to expect, and what works for you. Remember that other people may do things differently ….

  How exactly does a PWS create a blocking movie? Before a potentially anxiety-p
roducing event, the PWS imagines a movie with any or all of the following: pictures, sounds, feelings, smells, tastes, and commentary. In terms of the way people process different kinds of information, pictures (Visual) are by far the most important. Sounds (Auditory) come next, and feelings (Kinesthetic) after that. Now by feelings, the reference is not to emotions (more about emotions later), but to their ability to feel temperature, pressure, texture, humidity, and so on. This is about both external (tactile) and internal (proprioceptive) feelings. Taste and Smell are important for a minority, but these qualities are often missing from most people’s mental movies.

  People who do not visualize well use their other senses more. If a PWS is not aware of creating a movie with pictures, ask them about the sound-track. Are they talking to themselves, providing a voice-over description of what is happening? If so, what kind of voice do they use? What kind of tonality? Where does that voice seem to come from? These are the type of questions worth asking the PWS to discover just how they structure their movies.

  Movie qualities

  Every movie has qualities in terms of how it appears, how it is constructed, rather than the content, what it is about. For example, in terms of the qualities of the images, notice whether the picture is big, bright, panoramic, in saturated color; or dim and distant, with a border, with muted or dark colors. These structural qualities may have major implications for blocking.

  There are many distinctions that we can make in terms of the qualities of the pictures, sounds, feelings and so on. Figure 4.2 lists some of the key qualities in the visual, auditory and kinesthetic systems.

  Visual (pictures) Auditory (sounds) Kinesthetic (feelings

  Brightness Pitch Pressure

  Contrast Timbre Location

  Color and saturation Tempo Extent

  Density and transparency Volume Shape

  Size Rhythm Texture

  Clarity and focus Duration Temperature

  Depth Distance Humidity

  Distance and location Location Movement

  Moving, still or looping Clarity Duration

  Edge or border Continuous or interrupted Intensity

  Associated/dissociated Movement Frequency

  Figure 4.2: Sensory qualities

  Any movie can be analyzed in terms of its qualities; the structure, the attributes of the pictures, sounds and feelings. Each quality, on its own or in combination with others, provides meaning, and people are skilled at interpreting such combinations, to know whether they are “good” or “bad”, “safe” or “dangerous”, “interesting” or “boring” and so on. It is also the case that as the qualities vary, from light to dark, from loud to soft …, so does the meaning. Let’s play with this for a moment.

  Think of a pleasant experience, and see it as a movie. Notice how far that movie of that pleasant experience is from you. Is it close or distant? Is the movie in bright colors, desaturated or pastel colors, or in black and white? Is it a broad panoramic picture or small like a snapshot? Is it full, realistic detail, or more like a cartoon or line drawing? There are many such variations in how people create their internal movies. However, there are general patterns. For example, most people make their pleasant movies rich in detail, up close, in color and usually panoramic (but there are always exceptions so you have to find out). Although most people have never been asked such questions before, all they have to do is to look and tell you the answers.

  If the PWS is unable to create a visual movie, ask them how they primarily experience the pleasant memory: as a feeling or as a sound? If not visually, most will do it with feelings. If so, ask them the qualities of the feelings: “Where do you feel it? Is the feeling heavy or light or somewhere in between? Does it have a temperature? Describe to me how you experience that feeling.” Use the sensory-based quality descriptions as in Figure 4.2 rather than anything abstract.

  Play with your movie of the pleasant experience just to experience how changing its properties affects its meaning. If it is close to you, move it away and notice if it changes the strength of the pleasant feeling. If it is in color, make it black & white. Turn it into a cartoon. How do these adjustments affect the feeling of the experience? Changing the structure of your movies is one way of changing their meaning, and the responses you have to the them.

  Certain combinations of qualities, such as close, colored, bright, no border, and so on, provide a way of encoding and differentiating concepts such as real – unreal, past – future, important – trivial, and so on. We also use these symbolic codes for identifying emotions such as “fear” and “courage” and for distinguishing between different states, such as “procrastinating” or “going for it”. Knowing how the person structures a particular experience means that they can deliberately change the meaning of that experience by manipulating its qualities so that it resembles something more desirable.

  These attributes also turn up in the metaphors we use. Consider the following statements:

  “This way of thinking has a bright future.”

  “That’s music to my ears.”

  “He came down heavy like a ton of bricks.”

  “Something smells fishy about her proposal.”

  “That leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.”

  These metaphorical sayings often give us a glimpse of the way the speaker’s has constructed the pictures, sounds, feelings, and so on, into a coherent story. Although some of these metaphorical sayings are clichés, they often provide a literal description of the person’s model of the world.

  Exercise 4.1: Qualities of the movie

  This exercise helps the PWS become aware of the particular way they imagine their story or movie. People tend to take this for granted, and assume that everyone does this in the same way. They do not. What people do in their minds is idiosyncratic.

  You are going to ask the PWS to imagine two different experiences of speaking to another person: in one they imagine themselves blocking, in the other they are speaking fluently. If they need help in bringing the picture to conscious awareness, you could, for example, ask them to describe the other person, male or female, what they are wearing, and so on. Then they are going to compare these two images to find the significant differences. Refer to Figure 4.2 for a list of the visual, auditory and kinesthetic qualities.

  Overview

  Associate into a time when you were fluent noting your visual, auditory and kinesthetic experience.

  Associate into a time of blocking and note your visual, auditory and kinesthetic experience of this experience.

  Make a note of the visual, auditory and kinesthetic qualities of both experiences and compare and contrast them.

  Practice changing the qualities of the blocking image to resemble the fluency image.

  Play with editing your own movies.

  Recall a recent time when you were very fluent. Imagine yourself back there in that state of fluency. Be looking out of your eyes, seeing what is around you, including the other people. Hear all the sounds around you and be aware of how it feels being totally fluent now. If you are talking to yourself, notice the qualities of your voice.

  “See what you saw then. Hear the sounds you heard at that time and feel the feelings you felt.”

  When they can do this for states of fluency, have them do the same thing for blocking. If they have a strong emotional reaction, tell them not to get too bound up with it, and remind them that this is in their imagination, and that they can change out of this state whenever they want to.

  “See what you saw then. Hear the sounds you heard at that time and feel the feelings you felt.”

  Compare and contrast these two experiences. Make a note of the visual qualities. Write these down side-by-side on a piece of paper. Use Figure 4.2 as a guide. After listing the visual qualities, list the key auditory and the key kinesthetic qualities. There should be some differences between the two lists. Which appear to be the key differences? Which qualities tell you that one movie is about fluency, and the other about block
ing?

  Practice changing the qualities of the blocking image so that it resembles the fluency image. Now choose one of the main differences in visual, and lead the PWS to change that visual quality of the Blocking image to be like the visual quality of the Fluency picture. For example, if the location and distance is markedly different, direct the PWS to move the picture of the blocking experience into the same location as the fluent experience. Then you can either have them move things back to how they were, or they can add further adjustments to any of the other key qualities of the Blocking experience into the same qualities of the Fluency experience.

  Have them play with “editing” their movie as they experiment with the qualities to develop a more suitable experience for the formerly blocking experience.

  Exercise 4.2: Type of movie

  Another way of finding out the type of difference between the two kinds of movies is to ask your PWS client about the general qualities of their movies.

  Just take a moment to relax as though you are in a cinema, and you are going to watch a movie of a time when you were blocking. As you observe the movie, notice:

  What kind of movie is it (in terms of genre, or what it looks like)? Is this movie typical of the movies you run in your mind when you block?